I have stumbled upon an Ultimate Truth. This Truth encompasses all and everything and is absolute. Nobody is safe from this Truth. Indeed the realization of this Truth was such an epiphany that it left me reeling. I could scarcely keep myself from running through the streets screaming aloud what I had discovered.
Actually I did just that for awhile, but you’d be surprised how fast people can run when they are really scared…plus I think one lady had mace, so I decided to take a less intrusive approach. Which means I’m just gonna type it here and if nobody reads it, then they are doomed to an eternal existence of misery. Hey I didn’t make the rules.
What I have discovered is that everyone in the world belongs to one of two clubs, or categories. They are: The Courteous, and The Oblivious. Read the following and decide which one you belong to.
The Courteous
These are the people that make a conscious effort to demonstrate a common courtesy to their fellow man (or woman) on a daily basis. Yes, these people do exist. It is not a question whether or not to stop to help a stranded motorist, or someone that has been hurt. Please and thank you are common phrases. These are the people that will turn in a bag of money to the police, and actually give a thought to other people. These people are endangered and are diminishing on a daily basis, which is sad because so many “parents” are too friggin’ lazy to discipline their kids. These people don’t require any more description, as they are pretty humble anyway.
The Oblivious
Referred to by Hannibal Lector as “Free Range Rude”, these are the people that, as the name implies, are completely oblivous to their surroundings and their effect on them. They just don’t seem to even think about what kind of an impact their actions might make, and even if they do, they don’t care.
This is the guy that cut you off on the freeway, and flipped you off in the process. This is the guy at your work that knows nothing of your job but tells you how to do it anyway. The lady at the grocery store who takes 30 items to the express lane, pays by a check, and after everything is bagged, stands there and wants to hold a pointless and one sided conversation with the cashier, even tho the 12 people behind her have been standing there with their 1 to 10 items each, for 15 minutes. (This is usually at Wal-Mart, one of the many reasons I avoid that craphole.) This is also most likely your boss, and those coworkers that walk past your desk talking so damn loud that you’re surprised they didn’t hear them in Scotland (thank you Bill Engvall). Cell phone talkers fall into this category as well. Hang up and drive dammit! This is every punk kid “gangsta” wannabe I’m all up in yo face jackass out there that for some reason thinks they have to somehow prove how bad ass street they are. Here’s a newsflash you mental giants: The general public is laughing at you! So pull your friggin’ pants up, turn that stupid hat around and grow up.
There’s so many more to list, but I think you know where I’m going with this. Jerks, assholes, clueless people who are only alive because it’s illegal to kill them. Are you one of these people? I’m sure you’re going to tell yourself no. But stop and think about it. When was the last time you helped a complete stranger? When was the last time you let someone go in front of you for anything? The problem with these people is that they’ll never admit that they are this way, thus they are labeled The Oblivious Collective. These people are, unfortunately, multiplying on a daily basis.
So there it is. Take this Truth and do with it what you will. That concludes today’s lesson on morality. Oh, and if you are a member of the Oblivious, here, you can borrow my hair dryer:
